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When I googled “sad sex,” I got this. Which is pretty awesome.
This week’s random winner is Kim, who asked if everything will get stranger when 50 Shades becomes a movie (almost certainly). Thanks to everyone who played along!
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Good morning! Happy Friday! Are you buried under snow? I spent an hour shoveling this morning — an actual entire HOUR — so I am not. But my butt is still cold, even after showering, drinking a cup of hot tea, and eating two garlic knots. (Okay, so the garlic knots had nothing to do with anything. But ohhhh, they were good.)
So this morning, I was working on a seeeekrit thing that I can’t tell you about but is so wonderful to be working on, and I wrote — in one fast rush of tippity typiting — the world’s saddest 321-word sex scene. It’s actually kind of mysteriously hot, too, but also sad, and I am so pleased with myself. I feel like a real literary fiction author now, you know?
I think they’re tired from all the hammering.
And that got me thinking about sad sex scenes in books and in movies, or just really depressingly awful ones, like there’s this one from a movie in the front seat of a car with a teenage girl and a man who’s old enough to be her father, and I can’t even remember now what the movie was but the scene is so soulless, I just wished I could un-see it, afterward. Likewise the virginity-loss scene in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Or this other one I saw once with Angelina Jolie and Antonio Banderas which was supposed to be sexy but he was just kind of robotically hammering away at her, and it made me glad not to be married to Antonio Banderas, even though I’d kind of had a crush on ever since that movie where his wife was alcoholic Melanie Griffith, and he was so nice to her, mostly.
Of course, then the Joy of Sex did tell me, and I was appalled. But I think mostly by the hair.
And then that reminded me of various things I learned from novels — particularly literary fiction — about sex, very few of which were useful, and many of which were terrifying. Like, in The Color Purple, Celie compares the act of sex to being peed on by her husband. (Who is a right bastard, but that’s neither here nor there.) And also literary fiction generally for just being so darn obfuscating about sex. I mean, I’m a precocious ten-year-old, literary fiction! TELL ME WHAT GOES WHERE, EXACTLY.
Whereas, I have to say, the vast majority of things that romance novels have taught me about sex did turn out to be true, even if I have never exploded in fireworks mid-coitus. Yet.
So, yeah. That’s what I’m oversharing about this morning. You?
Usual Friday drill — comment to enter, and I’ll pick one name out of the hat tomorrow morning for a $10 gift certificate to Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or iTunes.
Ummm, I wasn’t thinking about sad sex that’s for sure! I’m a HEA person all the way, but now I’m very curious about what your working on?
But, now that you have brought it up…. I think the saddest sex I have ever read/seen is when someone is leaving the next day, and they have ” one more night”. Never know when they will see each other again. Well…now going to find something to read with happy sex.
Aw, yes, the “one more night” sex is always sad. Although you almost always know the characters are kidding themselves, which helps!
“really depressingly awful ones, like there’s this one from a movie in the front seat of a car with a teenage girl and a man who’s old enough to be her father, and I can’t even remember now what the movie was but the scene is so soulless, I just wished I could un-see it, afterward.”
I read a book like this once, except the guy was maybe a little closer to her age but he was a priest. And it was not like a sexy taboo romp or anything, he was just a completely weak, confused character and she just went along with it. Wanted to stab myself after reading that. But now I wish I could remember which book it was.
Also, it was some sort of literary-ish book, and since I was somewhere between 13 and 16, the parents bought it for me. Let me tell you, straight up porn would have been less depressing/more educational than that.
Ugh — and you read so much dark! It must have been really bad, to have stuck with you for so long.
I’m thinking now the scene might have been from that movie with Tobey Maguire (?) and the neighbor girls who are sisters and one of them kills herself. But I can’t remember anything else about that movie, such as the title, so it’s not very helpful.
Husband And I have taken granddaughter in search of snow. We have gone to 6300 feet and nothing yet. Bah….I am ever so curious to read thesad sex scene. Is it sad like she did not have 3 earth shattering orgasms her first time or sad like they know they will never see each other again.or sad like she is giving him news that will make him cry?? We are of now. Wish us luck in our search.
Good luck!
And I’m not saying what kind of sad. None of those. It will be surprise sad!
The saddest sex story I heard was from a college friend. She said she’d gotten off work after an excrutiating 12-hour shift waiting tables at Denny’s. A guy she had been casually dating picked her up from work, then took her through a drive through to grab a sandwich after not eating all day (ironic considering she worked at restaurant!). As she was getting ready to take a bite, the guy more or less lunged at her. In her surprise, she dropped her sandwich to the floorboard–then he stepped on it. She said all she could think about as he was assaulting her was the hot ham and cheese sandwich crushed on her his foot.
Oh, sandwich sad! That is the saddest of sads!
Interesting post. It makes me wonder if romance is almost overcompensating for all the sad literary fiction sex. I’m 100% in favor of the romance genre celebrating good sex, but there aren’t many romances that also show the flip side. You know, not-very-good-first-times and all that. One exception I can think of off the top of my head is Cecilia Grant’s A Lady Awakened. In one of the sex scenes, the words “dead fish” are actually used (metaphorically, of course!)
I do love A Lady Awakened so very, very much, in part for all the awful sex in it. I think we are seeing more “fail sex” in the genre — or at least among the people I know! — but it will probably never take the romance world by storm. What with not being very sexy and all. (Though I have to say, this three-hundred-word sad sex I wrote is pretty sexy.)
It’s 1988 and I am 13 year old. I stood on the edge of womanhood shit scared and frightened of anything remotely resembling a boy. How did I conquer this you ask? Well my soul aim in life was to get my hands on and read a copy of Judy Blumes ‘Forever.’ I truly believe there was one copy in the whole of the north west of England as it was passed around on the underground school black market and had been banned in the US – this meant it was pure gold… By the time I got my hands on it pages where missing which led to a complicated yet confusing read and in some areas none the wiser.
The name Ralph also haunts me. To this day.
That is sad! It’s a wonder we ever survive adolescence.
I got into the habit of reading historical romance novels last year. And some of the more risque ones kept mentioning a French Letter. I had no clue what that was, and was too lazy to google it. Until my favorite historical romance author, Courtney Milan, finally explained it to me in her novella “A Kiss For Midwinter.”
Ha! I would like to know what you were guessing it was. Like, animal, vegetable, or mineral? Large or small? Stiff or gelid? Do tell.
(And yes, Courtney Milan. She’s just the cream of the crop, that one.)
I just spent the last few weekends watching Season 1 & 2 of the Showtime series’s Homeland. There were 2 sad sex scenes with Brody and his wife. Any Homeland fans out there?
I’ve never seen it! But I do love Claire Danes.
Sad sex? I immediately thought of “The English Patient” (both the film and the novel). For me, the passion between Katherine and the Count is completely overshadowed by the guilt, betrayal, anger, and frustration they share, and I never understood the critics, viewers, and readers who proclaimed the story to be “romantic.” small sob.
And AJ, yes, Cecelia Grant rocks.
So do you, Ruthie!
Yeah, the romance in the film doesn’t do it for me at ALL. My husband loves that book, and I just side-eye him. After the movie, I can’t drum up the interest.
OMG, Ruthie! I tried to block out sad sex. I hope you don’t get too much snow, as you know I’m not of a fan of it. I hope you have a great day.
What, the picture? Too sad for you? I’ll have to find some happy sex for next week.
just got back in from braving the storm…drs. appt for daughter to determine if back surgery is needed! Still on the fence….now hunkering down with Along came Trouble…I earned it!!!
You did! Hope you enjoy. Hunker away!
I think that movie, The Day After Tomorrow, pretty much sums up the weather where I am right now. We’re expecting over two feet of snow in the next 24 hours. And I’m almost certain there will be significant higher rates of sex this weekend because…what else is there to do in a blizzard? Some of it is bound to be sad because people will probably thinking of how much snow they’re going to have to shovel from their driveways and that will put a damper on things.
The Bluest Eye has some very sad sex. If you haven’t already read it, don’t bother doing so, because Toni Morrison is such a great writer. That might seem contradictory, but it’s not. Eileen Goudge writes great sad sex, too. I’m thinking here of Such Devoted Sisters, which my 9th-grade English teacher lent me and I wrote a book report on. It was likely the greatest book report ever written by a 13-year-old. Possibly even one that rivals the philosophical musings of Michel Foucault. He wrote scads about sex, but not in an exciting way, which is sad in its own right.
For mood reading in the snow, try Miss Smilla’s Feeling for Snow. It is magical.
In my opinion, blizzard sex is only sad if people feel like they have to take off their socks. The Canadians have the right idea — when it’s cold out, wear socks.
I haven’t read The Bluest Eye, but I will trust you that it’s full of sad sex. I have read some Foucault, and even took a history of sex class in grad school, but neither were experiences I’d wish to repeat.
Smilla’s Sense of Snow, on the other hand, is a novel I can get behind in a big way. Excellent, excellent book.
I will tell my husband that you’re cool with the socks thing and he will leave me for you. It’s cool. I would leave me for you, too.
Too funny you mentioned Fast Times at Ridgemont High…I was thinking that as soon as I saw the title of your post. I just finished reading Olivia Cunning’s Hot Ticket and it includes a really bad virginity loosing scene for Jace. I think I would have been troubled too if my first time had been anything like either of these scenes.
Yeah, sometimes those virginity loss scenes make me wince and/or weep! Poor girls. And sometimes poor boys, too.
In this case it was pretty bad for both parties.
Hmm, I think depressing sex and sad sex are separate beasts. Depressing sex: There’s this guy. You’re at a party. You’re lonely. He’s, um, not icky. Afterward, you feel more lonely, not less. Sad sex: you broke up. You have sex one last time. You communicate to each other with every move, every touch, how much you still feel for each other, but you both know this is not going to happen again. Sad sex fits well in romance, I think. Heart tugging emotional subtext out the wazoo. Depressing sex is… well… depressing. Much harder to pull off, especially between H & H. (OTOH, bad sex is so brilliant when it works — and oh my yes, Cecilia Grant did such a great job with it!)
I wrote a bad sex scene in my first novel, but it leaned literary and wasn’t meant to be genre romance. It involved saran wrap and was both sad and depressing. Trifecta!
I like this theory of the difference between depressing (depressed?) sex and sad (poignant) sex, but when I try to apply it to my scene, I can’t seem to make it fit either box. It’s many things at once. My scene defies your categorization! This probably means my editor will ask me to cut it.
Now I want to read your sad, depressing saran wrap sex scene.
Will things get even more strange when Fifty Shades becomes a movie?
Everything will get even more strange, yes. Just, everything.
Interesting post. Can you share an excerpt from that scene you wrote?
No! Bwahahahaha. It’s only 321 words long! That’s the length of an excerpt. But I admire the sneakiness of your question.
Sad sex reminds me of a scene in one of Jennifer Crusie’s books, can’t remember the title. It was the one with fake art or something. Also have to agree with “A Lady Awakened” – but it was a wonderful journey from that awful first time to their HEA
Ruthie, I can’t wait to read your sad sex scene
BTW, I read “How to Misbehave” recently and LOVED it 
Oh, I bet that’s Faking It. I wrote a post on bad-sex scenes for Romance at Random, and several people mentioned Faking It. I’d like to read that sometime — I’m a fan of Crusie.
And thank you! So happy to hear you loved HTM.
I remember one of Hannah Howell’s Murray series having a very sad sex scene, the couple were having their “last” night together. It also included some use of food, too. (HIGHLAND KNIGHT) Another book in the series had just a depressing loss of virginity scene, the hero thought that Ladies did not/could not enjoy sex so what did it matter (HIGHLAND BRIDE)
Oh, yes. The “ladies don’t like this anyway, so I might as well…” excuse. I’m glad no one gets away with that in contemporary romance!
The mention of FTaRH reminded me of the very awkward losing of virginity for the boy in the show “Big Love.” Do you suppose there’s some conspiracy to have all media depiction of virginity loss be really unpleasant? Though that character was just generally unpleasant, all around.
Too many sex scenes in romance use actions that I personally don’t like very much. I won’t go into details, even on TMI Day at Ruthie’s Blog, but I really get tired of the SOS.
I know what you mean. It’s tricky because sex is subjective, of course, but sometimes standard things make me wince. Standard wincing – ugh.
The saddest sex scene and one of the sexiest can been found in an amazing film by Nicholas Roeg called Don’t Look Now, with Julie Christie & Donald Sutherland playing a married couple. The films opens as their little boy drowns in the backyard pond. A year or two later, they are in a grey and dingy and dank Venice (he’s an art historian, or something in that vein). In the meantime, the Venetian police are dredging prostitutes’ bodies out of the canals. Believe it or not, the sadness of wintery Venice, the grieving couple, and these serial killings all come together in one of the scariest, most atmospheric, sexiest films ever! (Yes to Cecilia Grant’s Lady, wonderful book … Sex wasn’t sad, just utterly “unsexy,” because devoid of emotional engagement. It was utilitarian. It got sexy as they grew to care for one another.)
That movie does sound sad! I will have to take your word for it on the sexiness — the drowned prostitutes – oy. But I do like Donald Sutherland.
I just recently read “Seven Sexy Sins” by Serenity Woods and it had a whopper of a we-know-this-is-the-last-time sex. Heart wrenching.
Oh! Yes. That is a whopper. And I love that book. Rusty!
Mmmkay, so I’m gonna wrap up TMI and sad sex in one fell swoop here (although it unfortunately does lack sexy, so it’s not quite a trifecta). If you want to see some SAD sex, look at most of the sexual acts in my, um, friend’s sad, little history. However, (here comes the silver lining) now that I…she knows that most people do not equate sex with the other grudgework that we have to do regularly (like taking out the garbage) and that m…her view is PTSD-related and a general overreaction to the multitudes of just not FAIR thrown her direction rather than a defect in ME…um, HER, she has finally found a way to get that happy sex that we all deserve! Silver lining 2: there are some rockin’ authors out there who a) make sex sound fun and b) describe some things that might be damn good ideas to steal!
That is sad! But the silver lining is a good one, for sure. Am wishing your friend many years of non-taking-the-garbage-out sex.