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This week’s winner is Kelly, who has never seen a baby animal she didn’t think was cute. NEVER! Don’t click on that one link in the comments, Kelly. Thanks to everybody who played along!
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Happy Friday, everybody!
This morning, Kidlet pretended he was a baby seal, and I was the rock. “Why do you have eyes?” he wanted to know. Why, indeed? Then I was his seal mama, and then I was a half-goat, half-Santa Claus creature. (The goat part is on top, naturally.)
I think I’d make an excellent seal mama. Or some days, a walrus mama. Except one of my ex boyfriends’ dads had a bone from a walrus penis*, and whoa. I’m probably better off being human.
The other day, Kidlet wanted to know why babies are cute (answer: conspiracy) and if there are any baby animals I don’t find cute. I had to think about that, and then I told him “baby leeches.” I saw baby leeches once, attached to the belly of their mother leech, waving around like so many little globules of parasitic flesh. I’m making a face now, thinking of it, and that was … fifteen years ago. Come to think of it, the same boyfriend who showed me the walrus penis bone also showed me the baby leeches. There’s a lesson here, somewhere.
Naturally, Kidlet spent the rest of the morning nagging me to show him pictures of leeches on the Internet. Which I did. Yuck.
I had a good writing week. How To Misbehave seems to be mostly making people happy, which was the general idea, and I’ve had some tentative good news on a seekrit project and wrapped up the first part of the Roman Holiday draft.
Here’s a teensy bit of Roman, just for fun:
I did a search for “hot Cuban men” and somehow came up with this picture of Johnny Depp, who is neither Cuban nor, here, particularly hot. Except that he sort of is. Such is the mystery of Johnny Depp.
The driver’s door opened, and black dress shoes appeared beneath gray slacks. The black top of his head crested the door, then disappeared as he ducked down to reach into the car—probably retrieving his black hooded cape and sickle, just to complete the look.
But no. When he emerged from behind the door, his evil was far more subtle than she’d expected. The closer he walked, the more this rich Miami land developer looked like a bad guy of the soap-opera variety: tall, dark, pretty, expensive. The kind of man who would bleach his teeth so they blinded people when he smiled, their contrast to the deep brown of his skin both surprising and delicious.
His slick soles crunched over the crushed-shell surface of the lot. He didn’t walk so much as lope, taking the circular pavers two at a time. His suit was so well-behaved that it loped right along with him, too expensively tailored to look awkward for even a heartbeat.
Ah, Roman. I’m going to have such fun breaking you into teensy pieces.
So how about you guys — any baby animals you can’t stand the sight of? Would you rather be the mama seal, or the rock? Is it as gut-punchingly cold where you are as it is in Green Bay today? (Minus 2! I shake my fist at you, weather!)
Comment to enter for this week’s $10 gift certificate giveaway. Winner gets to pick whether they want their prize from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or iTunes. I’ll draw one random commenter’s name tomorrow morning and contact by email, so leave your email address in the email field of the comment form.
Have a great weekend!
I’m going to have to say a rock. Yes, I know the rock just sits there. But have you seen the poor seals being chased by the whales? I mean, you don’t have hands to help defend yourself. You’re outside in the cold and you and your baby or babies are at the mercy of whatever. So thus, I would have to be a rock. I mean who knows, a HOT guy could come and sit on me…..
Oh, I have! The orcas tossing the baby seals in the air — so awful! Definitely better to be a rock.
Now, as for the second part of your comment, I’m just going to assume you have some weird fetish and let it go.
I can’t stand baby rats, mice, or naked mole rats (yikes!).
When my daughter was little, I had to play screwdriver family with her. She commandeered all of the screwdrivers in the house and created families. The tall Phillips head was the dad, the flat one was the mom, and the tiny ones used to fix eyeglasses were the kids. She named all of them and kept them in a shoebox. Anytime we needed to repair something, we had to ask if we could borrow Susan, Joseph or baby Nick, Britney, or Claire.
That is so cute. Seriously. So, so cute.
Well, I didn’t think I would be googling walrus penis today that’s for sure.
I like to bring something unexpected to your day.
I think I rather not see a baby snake anytime soon LOL
If you don’t like the cold weather you should consider moving to Israel during the winter months since even when it gets really cold (and only in some part of Israel) the low temp is around 30-40.
For me it’s cold when it’s 50 LOL so I can’t even imagine how cold Minus 2 is!
Try to stay warm and have a great weekend
I don’t mind it if it’s above 10 — but when it’s 5 or below, I don’t go out for exercise, and then I get all stir-crazy!
Kim , I was thinking of the Mama seal, but you have definitely changed my mind!! LOL. I’ll be a rock, and happy doing it.
I once heard someone say that when they tried to kill a spider, all the babies ( a skillion) came running out! I would need hospitalization……. I already picture Roman as Johhny Depp with more muscles. So loved him in Chocolat….
It’s 40′s and very windy here in N.C. Down to 30′s at night……very cold for us. Thanks Ruthie, for the snippet, and our lesson in walrus penises.
Oh, no. That reminded me of this movie I saw once with baby spiders and a big spider and it just . . . oh. Oh, no. Let’s change the subject!
any baby rodents….yuck! just the thought……not so bad here today. After 2 days of heavy winds and wondering what trees were coming down am enjoying the quiet!
See, I think baby rodents are kind of cute.
baby snakes; kind of cold here
Why didn’t I think to google walrus penis? Instead, I googled “ugly baby animals” and got really creeped out. Although, come to think of it, I’ll bet pictures of walrus penises might also be emotionally scarring. Here’s a link to nasty little animals, faces only a mother could love: http://www.collegehumor.com/pictures/gallery/6760573/15-baby-animals-that-are-definitely-not-cute
Oh, why oh why did you not WARN me about the COCKROACHES?
*shudders*
Star-nose mole is among my least-favorite animals. Kidlet has a book with pictures of various Wisconsin rodents, and he loves to show me that page because he knows how much I hate it.
No one expects….the Spanish Inquisition — or baby COCKROACHES!
The first time I was at my in-laws I was asked to grab the ice cream out of the freezer. There was a weirdly shaped foil package on top of it, labeled as “MINK” in black sharpie. Apparently my father-in-law found it on a hike and was saving it for a taxidermist friend.
Naturalists are a strange bunch.
Bleagh! On top of the ice cream!
On the other hand, at least it was labeled. My mom used to be a midwife, and there was once an UNlabeled placenta in our fridge, which my teenage brother opened while looking for a snack. Hilarity did not ensue.
Um, what was the question? All I remember is walrus penis bone! It was a busy week for me. I’m treating myself to a weekend learning “How to Misbehave!”
Happy writing Ms. Ruthie!
The walrus penis has that effect on people. And female walruses.
Hope you enjoy, Nakeesha!
I’ve never seen baby leeches, but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t find them cute. Otherwise most baby animals make me go gooey inside. I feel you on the cold weather – I’m in Wausau (90 minutes west of you) and it’s -10 here at the moment. I plan to stay inside all day! Looking forward to Roman Holiday!
Yeah, WTH, Wisconsin? I mean, I know it’s supposed to be cold in the winter, but all this up and down is killing me. I want to go outsiiiiiiide. For some reason other than shoveling.
Ok, I’m not a fan of snakes, so the thought of baby snakes would wig me out. Since it’s my first winter in Montana I don’t lie the cold, but I have to be glad we are not in Minot. I’m hoping one day we go back to the south or Cali.
Winter in Montana is no slouch! I like Montana, though. I’ve ridden my bike there on two different week-long trips.
I’d have to say the naked mole rat makes for a humorous baby. This picture in particular http://www.babyanimalz.com/nakedmolerat.php . Other than that, spiders and bugs are ugly at any age and size!
I am with you in this opinion. All of these opinions.
Johnny Depp does nothing for me, but Nev Chamberlain from ‘About Last Night’ makes me swoon!
That’s okay, then.
Hi Ruthie, I have never seen a baby animal I that was ugly I think there all cute. I would be the mama seal I love to swim. You can swim for long time and lay on the rock to sleep and warm up what a life.
All? You have a generous soul, Kelly.
Hi, Ruthie! I don’t like snakes or spiders. I think I would prefer being a rock so that some hunky man could sit on me. Lol! I live in Kansas and it got down to 2 degrees last night. Earlier in the week it was 70 degrees. That’s one thing I like about Kansas. If you don’t like the weather today, it will change tomorrow.
kscathyATyahooDOTcom
Hi, Cathy! That’s two votes for being a rock so you can get sat on by a hunky man. Is this a thing I don’t know about? A sexy being-sat-on thing? Someone send me an email and let me know, if so.
As for Kansas, my apologies for Ride with Me. It wasn’t ME who hated Kansas. It was just Lexie and Tom. And everyone who has ever ridden a bike there.
Hey, Ruthie!
I need more time on the all-important seal vs. Rock question, but I do want to add this: the most disgusting phenomenon in the world is wiggly teeth. My son, who is Kid 2, delights in showing them to me, and much dry-heaving ensues. Daughter was much nicer. Worst part? I’m an elementary teacher. *sigh* Job hazard, I guess.
Anyhoo, writing from Panera in Madison (an hour from my little corner of Froze-sconsin). Just wanted to gush and slobber all over you a bit. I started reading How to Misbehave and within a few sentences was able to identify that it was one of yours (just so fun and snappy). Frickin’ love your writing. Please do more of it. And faster, please. Or can I just come the extra couple of hours and sit and listen to you speak?
I don’t know if I mind the wiggly teeth, but the holes afterward – bleagh. BLEAGH, I say.
And thank you for the gushy slobbering! I enjoyed it. We should do it again sometime.
I am writing fast fast fast! But you don’t want to hear me speak. I’m all, “But but but, the poncho!” and no one knows what I’m talking about.*
*bonus points if you know what I’m talking about
Do you frequently have to ask hubby to go get the *thing* over by that *thing* that has the wibbly stuff on it, and pull out the *thing* that you need?
*All of these *things* are clearly separate nouns.
*PS. And yes, I knew what you were talking about. Obviously.
I actually don’t do that, but I *do* fail to listen to the latter half of my own sentences because I’ve already started thinking about the next sentence. Which leads to much misspeaking.
I, personally, can’t stand opossums whether young or old. They just creep me out. It is cold here,but not as cold as where you are. We did get snow yesterday and overnight, and expecting more tonight and tomorrow. And all this after my state (Kentucky) having multiple tornadoes earlier in the week.
Oh, my husband HATES opossums. Just loathes them. There was one in the backyard one night, and he went to see why the security light was on, and I heard him from the bedroom say “OH NO,” like there was a corpse in the yard or something. But it was just a possum, nosing around.
I cant think of any babies that I think are ugly. Even spiders and snakes. Though in all fairness, I have never seen the baby leeches and I thank you sincerely for not posting a picture of them, Ruthie. I live in phoenix and I have to say, us wimpy Phoenicians are freezing our tails off. What is up?? I had to scrape my windshield the other day! Huh?! Sick of that nonsense. Stop that right now, you, you….weather. Shaking my fist at the weather too. haha
I can’t say I’m too fond of baby spiders. Or any baby insects for that matter. Except ladybugs. They’re pretty cute. Baby Hippo’s, in my opinion, are the absolute cutest! Seals are fairly adorable, too. I think it depends on the day of the week as to whether I’d be the mama seal or the rock. Today I would say the rock because then I could just lie there. As much as I love colder weather, I don’t think I’m too envious of your -2! It was around 32 here today with a few snow flurries. Not enough to stick though